The ten best cars for a mid-life crisis

11 August 2014

However, nobody wants to see a balding, baggy-jeaned bloke driving an absolute beauty (Jeremy Clarkson, are you listening?), so if you are planning on making a hefty investment in a fast, curvy, metaphorically phallic motor, then also think about a new wardrobe, shedding a few pounds, whitening your teeth, listening to obscure bands and bagging yourself a younger lady friend (hello Shane Warne!) and you'll be on the money (and out of pocket, crises are expensive).

Now we've got the look down to a tee, let's see what cars are best for your mid-life awakening/crisis:

10. Aston Martin DBS
The name's Bond.James Bond. Being part of the Aston Martin club is super exclusive, but the fact that you were probably around when the DBS was first featured in the 1969 film, 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service', screams mid-life crisis. To pertain the aura of the youth, you could buy a DBS V12. With a top speed of 191mph and a 6.0 litre V12 engine, it'll prove useful when evading the police after that bank robbery you had to pull.

9. Mini Cooper Convertible
A mid-life crisis car you can actually afford, the Mini has a top speed of 112mph, great mileage and prices only start from £16,165. It's a good choice if you're not feeling too flash, and it's super cute. The ladies will love it, heck they'll probably want to drive it. Minis are fun and ooze personality; perfect if you're in need of a little pick me up.

8. Land Rover Defender
Many mid-life crisis sufferers develop a sudden urge for adventure and travel. Tick off that epic trans-continental road trip on your bucket list with the Land Rover Defender. Virtually indestructible with incredible, rugged off-road abilities, it's the nearest thing to a tank you'll be able to drive through town. The Defender may big, noisy and a fuel guzzler, but it's the most macho motor you'll buy. Another major plus is the smugness you'll feel cruising past BMWs stuck in the winter snow.

7. Ferrari F430
Not appropriate for children or hot beverages, the Ferrari F430 Spider is a car that deserves to be stared at. Obviously eye-catching and super loud, it should be for its eye-watering price tag and long waiting list. But with its Formula One style and 8,500-rpm limit, it really is something dreams are made of.

6. Jaguar XJ8
Accept the ageing process and embrace the Jaguar XJ8. A classic sports car, renowned for its comfort, speed and spaciousness, as well as its plush interior furnishings, the Jag is a more refined choice for the older gent. The shag carpeting is a tad garish, but the luxury performance more than makes up for it.

5. Mazda RX8
The ex may have got custody of the kids, but a weekend stay driven around in the Mazda will impress and incite. Immensely cool, the Mazda's rear doors are also practical, but who cares about practicability when it resembles a racing car. Plus it's the cheapest crisis car to covet.

4. Audi TT
Tasteful and elegant, the Audi TT is hard to beat for posing around town. A combination of image and performance (much like yourself) as well as an everlasting value, it's more of an investment in your future than a mid-life moment of madness. Available as a 2+2 Coupe and as a two-seater Roadster, the Audi TT also comes with a variety of engine choices, starting with tame leading up to positively explosive. Its sleek, smooth exterior is highly attractive to females, which may be your only issue; she might nick it.

3. Lotus Elise
If you are suffering from middle age aches and pains, best leave the Lotus and stick to the Jag. The Lotus Elise is super-low with wide-door sills, which will unfortunately only highlight your lack of flexibility. However, it's a sports car with sports car handling, and offers a raw and rare motoring experience. There aren't many of these numbers on the road, so it's sure to get tongues wagging and eyes popping. Surely that's worth an occasional trip to the chiropractor?

2. BMW Z4
Narrowly missing out on SellCar's top spot, the BMW Z4 is sleek and stylish, German made and the right balance of muscle and sport. The ultimate mid-life crisis car for pure selfish satisfaction, the BMW's boot can barely fit in a coat, the low-slung seats cause trapped nerves, and it's the stuff of teenage dreams. But the BMW Z4 is not meant for purpose; it's meant to be driven.

1. Porsche 911
The Porsche 911 does what other cars don't; it incites loathing and envy in every person that passes you. Nothing says success (and smugness) when parking at work next to the bosses' Boxster, which as everyone knows, is the poor man's 911. It'll cost you an arm and a leg and people might hate you, but you'll be part of an exclusive Porsche club, as well as the proud owner of a perfect open-top sports car. You may even look forward to getting old when you can finally afford one of these beauties.